Aldo's latest collections disgust me...

Honestly, normally Aldo is my highest priority when it comes to looking for great shoes. They are usually hip, comfortable, and affordable. Well, as affordable as quality shoes get. But this season has been a flop as far as style goes. I think the new direction that Aldo is headed is Tacky-ville. Their latest releases remind me of the years when my aunt used to by t

heir shoes in hopes of looking younger... All she achieved was making herself look ridiculous. But, you know, as they say, fashion repeats itself... And this year Aldo's serving some Tacky with a side dish of Whore-y.

Let's take a look at some individuals.

The Mahomly:

Goodness. What can I say about the Mahomly? These little ankle boots may seem like a good purchase, but let's just take a closer look at these suckers. The first thing that really catches my eye are the abundant amount of buckles they have. Three buckles for one ankle boot? Normally this wouldn't bother me too much, but they are just so wide! For one thing, the boot itself is made so that it slouches, but the belts create this weird juxtaposition. With three on such a small space, instead of slouching like it should, the idea you get is that they slouch excessively. The buckles completely negate the original appeal of the slouch by splitting the foot into four pieces. Then the original slouch is pushed into folds, which make the foot look larger! Now, I don't know about you, but I NEVER actually WANT my foot to look fat. It's just not appealing!

The Mahomly's shape itself originates from a sort or wrap-around boot that was popular a couple of seasons ago. If you look closely at the toe, you'll see where the "fold" part comes together where that little poof of woolly lining shows itself. I personally love the wrap-around, and if it weren't for the excessive buckles, I'd probably love the boot... too bad it's the Mahomly and not the original style.

One more thing that's problematic is that it makes a woman's foot look sort of... clown-like. It's really the round toe's fault; the toe is the widest point of the shoe, even wider than the heel, which bears an aching similarity to clown shoes. Sigh. At least it's not as horrifying as our next offender...

The Pattengale:

Oh. Dear. God. What was I saying about straps and buckles? This absolutely horrid piece of footwear takes the prize for most disgusting pair of shoes this season. I haven't even seen every pair of shoes this season, but I'm SURE that this is by far the worst. I can't even fathom what the designer was thinking. Fortunately, there are words to describe my horror and nausea.

Let's start with the silver shiny heel and toe, shall we? Umm... what? SHINY heels and toes? Maybe those -ahem- interesting aspects would be acceptable in a club situation, but the fact that these are so strapped with leather (pun intended), completely negates the glam factor.

And now, dear readers, the straps. As much as I want to cuss about these atrocious crimes against humanity, I won't because my hope is that younger readers will be able to appreciate and read these posts without their parents banning them from this site. This is a safe space... UNLESS YOU'RE THAT NASTY PAIR OF SHOES RIGHT THERE *POINTS TO PATTENGALES* Exactly how many straps does it take before you are no longer considered a strappy sandal? I think that's what the designers were trying to find out. They're really pushing the envelope on that... Let's not forget that these straps are also made out of the finest leathers, shall we? Well, what a waste of beautiful leather. It saddens me deeply knowing that those shoes will become the property of someone. With those thick, opaque leather straps, the glamour that it might have had is now gone. Each of those criscrossing straps is just one more reason to never wear them. My friends, the point of sandals are to accentuate the lovely curves of the foot. And believe me, the foot (if used and groomed properly) can be very beautiful. Problem that arises: what color do you paint your toenails? Black is too emo of a color and should be used sparingly; silver is extremely tasteless and should never be used; and a french manicure is far TOO tasteful to deserve such horrible treatment as to be paired with a heel like the Pattengale.

I can't continue with any individual shoe. I'm far too horrified by the Pattengale to begin my search for a tasteful shoe from Aldo. Not that I saw any in my original search for a part shoe. A new horrifying trend that Aldo is trying to push on us is animal print. Let me just say a few things about animal print:

1. It should be used sparingly.
   
2. It is best paired with dark blue skinny jeans.
3. The girl wearing it should be extremely comfortable with herself. Comfortable enough that she will drag her girlfriends out to the center of the dance floor.
4. Wild everything should be accompanied with animal print.
5. Animal print is a state of being, not a style. You're in the mood for animal print; it's not like wanting to wear your regular stilettos. Animal print requires planning and preparation.
6. Bright red nail polish and lipstick go best with this... Especially if your print of choice is leopard.

Tip of the post: Pick a pair of shoes that you know you can walk in. Breaking in those fabulous new heels during a night out is not so much fun. Trust me, I've been there. We all have.

Celebrity birthdays: Alicia Keys. Great music, decent shoes.

Introductions

Shoes. While Wall Street may have invented the need for shoes in women's (and men's) lives a long time ago, we can't deny that they have become essential in our everyday existence as fashionable beings. After all, what are the first things a woman notices about another woman when she walks into a room? Her shoes. Don't even try to deny it. We all give the look-down and when we set our eyes on those pair of heels/sneakers or what have you, there's no question that we make judgments.

Men, if you're wearing Crocs, you can bet that we (women) are going to disregard you as potential boyfriends or one night stands. Crocs tell us that you're too lazy to fix yourself up to come to this particular party, and if you won't even dress up for that, how can we trust you to dress up for future occasions? Most of us, if not all, are looking for someone who can dress themselves. Meaning we don't want to babysit you.

Women, I shouldn't have to go into explaining why we make the judgments we do based on your footwear...

Whatever walk of life you come from, wherever you go, shoes are there to help you make statements. Hopefully all of you will come to love this blog for what it is: a commentary on the latest, the greatest, the classiest, and the must-haves of all shoe-dom.